Whether the weather be fine....

.....Or whether the weather be NOT. I need to know who controls our weather here in blighty. (I know its not controlled by a person, but allocating blame helps). It is July. Today I went for tea with a friend. This involved 4 periods of outdoor exposure lasting approx 30 seconds each -getting from house to car, car to restaurant, restaurant to car, car to house. I chose to wear a cropped leather biker jacket, and in this minimal exposure to the outdoors, I got soaked, and it was freezing! This is not on. Earlier today, I was crossing the car park in work in a cardi, and it was too warm, yet overcast with the sky about to burst. In-car travelling in the heat is no fun, cardi on, off, on, off, blah blah.
I bought some summer clothes in March, when we had a week of relatively warm weather. I remember it consisted of a beautiful H&M paisley maxi skirt, a couple of primark tops, and a Warehouse dress. All bar the dress are still in my wardrobe with tags on, we just havent had the weather for me to wear them, rubbish. I also made another summer purchase, slightly more reckless. I bought a pair of barely worn, BEAUTIFUL Chanel sunglasses from eBay. This is one of my best ever eBay finds (the other being the above leather jacket). They are tweed patterned brown, large squoval shaped, genuine, complete with case, cloth and authenticity card. It was a risk that payed off, I paid £94 for them, they are £277 on average in the shops. I bought them 4 weeks ago. They havent left the case! Again, this is not on.
It is not only these redundant purchases that are the problem. It is too windy for umbrellas, and the only coast suitable for this weather are anoraks, rain macs, and jackets. Anoraks and jackets are not good for work, they dont look smart enough, but have hoods. Macs are fabulos for work, but dont have hoods. Whats a girl to do? There are no coats available.
Going out for a few drinks is a pain too. I am now of an age where I take a brolly out with me, I know, its old. I can see the girls with false hair looking at me with disgust in their spray on dresses as I stand their with wet brolly in one hand, cocktail in the other and coat over my arm. I know its not a good look, i do. Their hair doesnt get affected by the rain because i) it is not real; ii) it is coated in hairspray; iii) they are from a superbreed of body beautiful, invincible eternal youths who repel rain, wind, and ageing and remain beautiful at all times.
So that is why I need to speak to this dude who controls the weather, sort it out! Bring us some sun!